Patient Testimonial Part 2 - "You Won't Face This Alone"

A cancer diagnosis does not only impact the patient themselves. The patient’s family members, friends, and support team also go through the cancer journey with them. Being a caregiver can be tough and creates profound life changes. This is a follow-up to our most recent patient story about Luann Graff – from the perspective of Luann’s support team: her son Brad Graff, daughter Shar Borders, and neighbors Mike and Terri Farrell. CLICK HERE to read Luann’s original story.

When Luann Graff was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in January 2016, she was  given only months to live. But according to her son and daughter, Brad and Shar, as well as her close friends and neighbors, Mike and Terri, she never showed anger, never lashed out, and never played the self-pity card. Instead, she faced her diagnosis bravely and showed just how determined and resilient she is.

“My mom has been a fighter her entire life,” states Brad. “With her strong faith she was not worried about her bucket list, she believed she would have more time to accomplish those things. Her focus was to beat her cancer.”

Shar agrees. “There’s a balance. Take the diagnosis and what has to happen for the treatment seriously but your days are not written by your diagnosis. Mom always stayed positive but did not put off what she wanted and needed to do.”

According to Mike and Terri, they have admired watching Luann enjoy the moment in front of her vs. thinking about dying. They also are proud of Luann for reaching out when she needed something. Mike, who was retired, was happy to help Luann without any second thoughts because he knew Brad worked and Shar lived out of town. Mike handled Luann’s mowing and yard work as well as drove her to many appointments. Terri planted and cared for flowers with Luann and after she retired too, would take her on road trips to find rhubarb. And both Mike and Terri made sure if something was going on with Luann’s first love, her family, they would get her there - like driving Luann to her grandson’s wrestling matches.

Being a family member out of town can be challenging, but through her mom’s cancer, Shar has also learned she is capable of doing more than she thought she was. Despite living 4.5 hours away, working part-time, and having her own family including active children, Shar says, “I was willing to do whatever I needed to help my mom.”

During Luann’s radiation treatments, Shar would spend 3 days a week in Sioux City with her mom to take her to those appointments, go home for the rest of the week and cram her work hours in to be able to return to Sioux City again. She did this week after week but says this was cherished time with her mother. “There were not a lot of distractions in my 3 days each week with her. It was a blessing to be fully present with her. I was exhausted, but it was nothing I would not do again.”

Brad notes the most difficult part of his mom’s cancer journey has been watching the ongoing, long-term effects on her body.  “I didn’t know a lot about cancer before,” Brad said. “I have realized what I took for granted.” He adds that there will be setbacks along the way but continue to have faith, stay positive and encouraging, and remind the patient how far they have come and of their accomplishments.

Shar recommends being patient. “There is so much the patient has to go through and feels. There are numerous steps to get through treatment, and all the changes they experience due to the side effects of the treatment. No matter their reaction, always give them patience and grace.”

Mike and Terri said their main priority was to support what Luann wanted but realized they could also support Brad and Shar. They would all communicate about who could do what and the fact they could all coordinate and share in Luann’s care needs was valuable because then each could have breaks.

“I had the capability to help,” said Mike. “And I’ve gotten just as much out of helping Luann and her family as I have enjoyed doing it.”

Terri adds, “We wanted to be positive, stable friends that Luann could count on. We told her she was not going to face her cancer alone, we will stand with her. Today, Luann’s story is hope for a lot of people in our life.”

Brad, Shar, Mike, and Terri are like 90 million people in the U.S. providing care for a loved one with chronic conditions, disabilities, disease, or the frailties of old age. Caregivers Action Network (CAN) is the nation's leading family caregiver organization. You can learn more about being a caregiver and find peer support, education, and other caregiver resources HERE.

Luann (second from left) with her son, Brad, and her neighbors, Terri and Mike. Not pictured, Luann’s daughter, Shar.